Love Ya Like a Sista!

I have spent 30 years on this planet. (Well, 29 years and 355 days)

All but 16 months of them I have spent with Ashley.

She knows my story. My whole story. She’s my sister.

She can finish my sentences. She can finish my memories. If I start telling a story about being scared to stay at Grandma and Grandpa’s house when we were 5 and 6 years old, she will finish the story with, “yes and you made me wake up at 3am and read with you.” (and roll her eyes)

I would dare to say that she knows me better than anyone– Probably better than my mother or my husband. Sometimes, I think she knows me better than I know myself. She knows quirky things, like my infatuation with reading and my simultaneous affliction with terrible television like Teen Mom. We can start text conversations with, “So how about Janelleeeeeee?”

She knows that on any given day my most favorite thing to do is get a pedicure and go out to lunch…but only places that offer chips or bread prior to the meal ( where she always lets me devour at least ¾ of either while she nibbles at her meager share).

She has been doing my hair since back when she worked in my mom’s salon in high school. (She now owns her own successful salon.) At times when I walk in and request to go dark, she refuses because she knows I have a 20-year-history of “going-dark-and-hating-it” and making her switch me back to blonde.

She knows that anytime “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy”, or N Sync’s “Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays” or “Love Shack” come on the radio we are going to have to take a break from conversation to sing. Terribly.

She knows code words — Words that with just a few syllables mean so very much more. They are more like instant throwbacks, and she gets them without skipping a beat. Girls Inc, River Reach, the yellow Jeep, Puccini’s, the Casino story, the Cement Pond, Moose Dog, Cutty Sark, Peckerwood and “It’s a Monkey Year!”

Over the years she is not the person I always go to about “stuff.” Ashley isn’t a “stuff” sort of girl. She is easy, effortless and drama-free. She doesn’t need to process things externally for hours over a few glasses of wine (although anytime I want to, she is willing to). From my entire life’s perspective, she is my first encounter with a long-term relationship, with its ups and downs, and how to overcome and commit and empathize and love.

Ashley is fiercely loyal and unwavering. It’s something I have come to expect and don’t always appreciate or acknowledge. She will always be there. I won’t know what life will be like when she’s not. In many ways, Ashley has been a part of making me the person I am. As the oldest child, we did everything together, and I always had to do it first. From soccer tryouts to jumping off of a diving board to golf lessons to calling the pizza man for delivery to being a Freshman to driving to moving out to having a baby….the oldest goes first. But there is something so special about having someone to share all the “firsts” with. I am the talker, the plan-maker and the boss lady, and Ashley is laid back, easygoing and flexible. I like to take credit for her demeanor, because as our personalities coincided over the decades, she had to adapt to my strong personality and become the calm, peaceful, flexible woman that everyone loves. (Also the one who hates confrontation and “talks” because someone has always done that for her)

As we grow into adulthood, our relationship has taken on different forms. My sister was there when I got engaged. She was the person who told me I’d be crazy to not marry my husband and that he is the only person who could tolerate me for 50+ years. (It’s like she was passing the baton, really) She was the planner and organizer and spender for my bridal and baby showers. She heard my son take his first breaths at 9:40 pm after standing in a hospital room with me for 14 hours.

The first few months of Mason’s life I could not have handled without the support of my sister. She would drive the 2 hours from Naples to West Palm on a weekly basis to snuggle her nephew, make me a turkey sandwich, and let me shower and sleep. She always comes with smiles and gifts. Those (very infrequent, of course) times when I am frustrated, anxious, overwhelmed and snippy, Ashley is the only person I want to be around because she knows how to tolerate it, help me fix it and always forgives.

As I enter my 30^th year in a few days, I look forward to seeing how my relationship with my sister continues to grow, and all the ways we will continue to need each other and support each other. Most notably, we are both having babies in 2016 within 7 weeks of each other. (A big thank you to our family and husbands for tolerating TWO pregnant Coates girls over the holidays….alcohol –free!)

A relationship nearly equal to that of a sibling is that of cousins. I anxiously await the chance to watch the dynamics between these kids as they grow. Who will be the “Ashley” of the 3? Who will be the “Traci”? Who will be the wild card that we all ask, where did you come from?

As Mason approaches 2 years old and his budding personality begins to appear, I look forward to watching the changes a sibling brings to his life as well. I sense a little “Traci” in him, as he goes about the house independently organizing his trucks and blocks and not wanting anyone to touch his items. He is fiery and spunky and strong-willed. He is just about ready for an “Ashley” to come around and teach him that he has to share, and sometimes, do things he doesn’t want to do.

He doesn’t know it yet, but the most important person in his life will be here in a few months.

He will never remember life before this person.

He will never know life without this person.

His person is coming.

 

Love you, Ashley.